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I am Kitty Cavalier. I am a full time seductress. Seduction, however, is not a tool or a technique to me. It is a way of life.
It was not always this way. For about two-thirds of my life, I was extremely depressed with an intense eating disorder. Everything revolved around my body, my weight, what diet I was or was not on. I would wear long sleeves and long pants in the summertime. I made up crazy stories so I would never have to go to the beach with my friends. I remember the practice I had of positioning myself in front of a mirror in the most unflattering positions possible, hoping to be struck with an a-ha moment like they wrote about in Fitness magazine. Even taking a shower in my own home was sometimes traumatic because it meant I had to undress.
Underneath all of this shame was the deep belief that if I could just be pretty enough, thin enough, charismatic enough, successful enough, fill in the blank enough, everything would be ok. My body was my battleground. The place where all my grief, disappointment, shame, fear, and anxiety was held. And if she would just cooperate, I could have it all. And boy did I hate her for not cooperating with my wishes.
So when I decided one day to go to a Burlesque show, it was a big deal. I found the thought of stripping extremely threatening, but also liberating. What I saw that night changed the course of my life entirely. There on-stage were women who looked just like me. But they were not covering up their “flaws”. They were flaunting them with a raw sex appeal that was irresistible. Even more surprising, was that they ranged in age from 23-50 plus. Size A boobs to size G. They had real bodies, the kind of bodies you’d see in the locker room at the gym. The kind of bodies I feared more than death - NORMAL ones!
What struck me the most about them is that they made the rules. The look in their eyes and the sparkle of their energy easily communicated that there are no such thing as flaws here. The audience was completely spellbound by their sparkle, their beauty, their glow. They were taking this art form that under certain circumstances objectifies and degrades women, and they were using it for their own joy, delight, and creative expression. They were not waiting for anything on the external to change or become “perfect” to experience their own raw beauty, power and sensuality. I was hooked. I was in love. I was changed. And I left there thinking, “Wow, if they can do that, maybe it’s possible for me too.”
I threw myself into learning about what it takes to feel beautiful no matter what. I read books, I risked facing some of my greatest fears. I took burlesque classes, sensuality classes, pole dancing classes, women's studies classes, anything I could get my hands on. I immersed myself in studying the archetype of the seductress.
To study these things though, was not enough. It was time to put all this learning into action. Like, striptease kind of action! I risked it all and performed a Burlesque striptease in front of 250 people.
Even though I would rather have flown to Spain and run with the bulls than take off my clothes in front of strangers, I mustered all the courage I had and went for it. I seduced the crowd as I stripped down to pasties and a G-String. I stood there. Literally naked. Totally vulnerable. To my surprise, instead of being my worst nightmare, it was my greatest triumph. All those things I told myself I would have to change in order to be loveable; all the times I had kicked the shit out of my body trying to abuse her into submission; all the times I denied myself pleasure because I thought discipline and restraint was what it took to win in life – all of it melted away as I stood there and received my applause. I streamed tears of joy and relief. I felt beautiful and powerful. I loved myself, inside and out. And I didn’t have to change a single thing.
This transformation has left no part of my life untouched. I have dedicated my life to finding a cure for the insanity that the culture teaches us about our bodies, our power and our very nature as women. As women, there is no end to the amount of conditioning we have received that we are terminally flawed. I believe the very idea of flaws is a lie, something that was made up to keep us from our power. It reminds me of the story "The Emperors New Clothes." We are all striving so desperately to be perfect, sexy, beautiful, young, etc. And yet it is this exact desperation to change what is already perfect which makes us feel so downright worthless.
To me, viewing seduction as a spiritual practice, rather than a tool of manipulation and control, is like the asylum we have all been longing for. The members of this tribe of truth are what I call Femme Vitale's. We are all familiar with the archetype of a Femme Fatale, a woman whose connection to her erotic feminine power is considered dangerous and deadly. Well, if that is the case then Femme Fatales we are, because we pose a serious threat to the very conditioning that keeps us from waking up to our power.
So. I invite you to join us as we blow the whistle, carve a new path, tell the Emperor he is naked - and that we think he looks just great.
Kitty Cavalier 284 eastern parkway Brooklyn, NY 11225 718-404-7885 kitty@kittycavalier.com
